October 20th everyone is being asked to wear purple to stand up against bullying and to remember those lost to bullying – “those lost to bullying” – what that means is children who have taken their lives.  I support standing up to bullying and agree that it needs to be stopped, but what baffles me is why it is acceptable to talk about “those lost to bullying” but not calling it suicide. Why is suicide now a four-letter word?  Why is it easier to garner support for anti-bullying projects to stop “children being lost to bullying” than it is to garner support and funding to the cause children committing suicide? 

Currently in Ontario over 656,000 children are suffering from mental illness, more than two children a week take their lives, and another eight are attempting suicide.  Suicide accounts for 24 per cent of the youth deaths yearly, and is the leading cause of non-accidental death in Ontario, yet we refuse to talk about it and call it what it is. Statistically, 90 per cent of those children who take their lives suffer from a mental illness, a mental illness – not because they are considered victims, because they are ill! Research has also proven that treatment of mental illness can be effective when provided early and effectively – yet we continue to allow our system to operate in the mode of crisis management, treating only those who are the most severe cases – those who often have attempted to take their lives. So, typically in Ontario if you are a child or youth suffering from mental illness, when your illness becomes so severe that you are close to losing your life from it, you will receive treatment. Imagine if we treated all ill children this way.  If your child has diabetes would it be okay for doctors to wait until they were in a diabetic coma before they began therapeutic interventions and treatment? If your child suffers from cancer, would it be okay to wait until they were in respiratory distress, or heart failure before treatment regimens began, before you allowed your child to stand a chance at life? That is what we as families who raise our children and youth with mental illness are asked to do daily. Wait until their condition becomes so severe that their lives are in great jeopardy and then hope and pray that treatment will save them, even though research has proven that treatment is most successful PRIOR to crisis. 

Until we begin to talk about child and youth mental illness, call it what it is, and refer to the ultimate loss as a result of illness, we will continue to stand by as a Province who willingly watches their children and youth die.  Children with mental illness are commonly bullied because they are different, because they suffer from an illness that is not “acceptable”, but it is us, the adults, who have taught our children it is okay to make fun of people with mental illness, that they are different, we have taught our children this by our silence, our refusal to talk about it, our refusal to stand up for children whose lives are most definitely at severe risk. Do we tolerate our children making fun of children with physical disabilities, or if your child attended school with a child who is undergoing chemotherapy and consequently has lost their hair – would it be okay for them to make fun of him/her for being bald, or would you take the opportunity to explain it to your child, to teach them empathy and compassion? By our silence, and by multiple organizations and agencies refusing to name it, to call suicide what it is, we teach our children that mental illness is not something that deserves empathy or compassion, we teach our children who are suffering that they should not talk about it, that they should suffer in silence because no one wants to deal with it, we teach them it is okay to take your life. 

Suicide is NOT acceptable, and neither is saying “children lost to bullying” – if those of us who work within the system, and are committed to fighting against stigma cannot even call a spade a spade, how the heck are we going to persuade the public that mental illness claims lives and that suicide is often the ultimate price our children pay for a Province who refuses to talk about it, to support it, and to call it what it is?  Our children are ill, suffering from symptoms that can be prevented, would be prevented if we would all stand up and demand that our Province pays attention to the crisis, and if we all stopped hiding behind publicly palpable terms.  Suicide is ugly granted, so is losing your child because you live in a Province where their citizens refuse to demand dignity and care for those who suffer.  I hope that everyone does wear purple on October 20th and that we do talk about bullying, but let’s not forget to stand united and call a spade a spade – it is dangerous to ignore the underlying factors that surround these issues, it is dangerous to give into stigma instead of standing firmly in front of it and standing up to it, it is dangerous to pretend that by continuing to try to find alternative names or terms for what is really happening is going to create an environment where children and youth with mental illness are treated with the equity, compassion, and care they deserve, it is dangerous to ignore that our children are ill and to deny them the treatment that ultimately will allow them life and potential.  More children right now are in danger of losing their lives as a direct result of mental illness than any other physical illness.  In the time it took you to read this piece a child took their life, and likely another one attempted to, if you don’t think this is okay – you need to commit to making a difference in a child’s life by demanding better of our province.  If you think your child or youth, or a member of your family is immune to this illness and it will never touch your family so there is no need to be passionate about it – you are wrong – one in five children are suffering from a mental illness.  My daughter is not a victim, she is a brave, unique, brilliant light who struggles with an illness, I will never teach her that she is a victim, I will continue to teach her that she is strong and deserves life and should fight and I will promise her that one day it will make a difference that she lived. She didn’t choose illness, but she cannot change it, that does not make her a victim, and make no mistake she is bullied, but it is not the bullies who made her ill, they can exacerbate her illness because of their lack of awareness, but I blame the public for this, no one is teaching our youth about mental illness, so why would they understand it or be empathetic towards those who suffer from it.  We, the public, have created this environment by our lack of commitment to these children, and it is we, the public, who can change it. It is too dangerous to continue to represent our children as only victims, let’s choose to represent them as who they truly are, courageous children and youth facing a potentially life-threatening illness with as much grace and dignity as is allowed by a Province where they must suffer in silence and it is accepted that we stand by and refuse to treat them – that takes great strength and I refuse to see that kind of strength as one who is a victim, they are champions!