“Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers.” – Socrates (469 BC - 399 BC)
 
I love this quote. To me it sums up how we have seen children and youth since we started having the little critters! That’s why I find it amusing when I listen to the verbal handwringing about young people and their use of social media.
 
“They’re becoming hermits!”
 
“They’ll never hold a proper job!”
 
“Their spelling is atrocious and what the heck does g2g mean?”
 
“I can’t get my child to pay attention to me when she’s on the computer!”
 
“My son is on that thing even in class! They should ban phones from schools!”
 
Wow…Socrates would be so proud of us. Two thousand five hundred years later and we still agonize over how our children don’t become finer copies of ourselves!
 
But seriously, isn’t it time to examine what we think of children and youth and, more importantly, how we think. Let me tell you what I have been thinking about children and youth. First of all, they are individuals and, when given a safe place, are capable of really original and interesting thinking. And original doesn’t mean “bad” but it does mean I won’t have thought of it and it might make me nervous if I have a closed mind. So using social media to enhance relationships might be foreign to me but it doesn’t mean something terrible is happening.
 
Second, relationships matter very much to children and youth and rebuking, judging and shaming are not good ways to build a relationship. So leaping to the conclusion that your child is doing something wrong by using social media because you don’t do it or chastising the way they communicate because it makes you uncomfortable isn’t going to build that relationship.
 
I’ll give you an example. My daughter is the QUEEN of texting. She is the classic case of being connected to her friends 24/7. Do I think that’s wise? No. I know she needs emotional down time so I provide guidance and there are times when communicating is off limits – when we are eating together, when she is going to bed, etc. Do I worry that she isn’t having “real” relationships? No. Studies show that people that have active social media connections are simply using the technology as a way to enhance their already robust social life. And let me tell you, she has a robust social life!
 
But the real reason I have opened myself up to the idea of children, youth and social media is that it works for me! I’d like to tell you that I embraced social media because I’m cool (except that I use the word “cool” and my daughters laugh their faces off when I use that word) or because I’m an open-minded parent. But I embrace social media because it is a fabulous way to communicate with a daughter with an anxiety disorder who can get a bit emotionally intense when we are negotiating curfews or plans for the evening.
 
We text back and forth during our negotiations and somehow the emotion does not escalate. She knows that I mean it when I set out my conditions on curfew and moving about the City but when we text she can negotiate without reacting against personality. On my side, I have the time between texts to check my own feelings and decisions to see if they are fair and I’m not being arbitrary. I can think about how she has been doing and if I can extend that little bit more trust to her.
 
So Socrates, when I text my daughter, I have the space to hold on to rational thought and realize she doesn’t always contradict me, gobble her food or tyrannize her teachers. She is a fine young woman who deserves my respect, my trust and my open mind, as well as my guidance. I think that sounds down right Socratic!